The Great Chicago Burger Quest

Johnny Rockets

2006-09-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

Johnny Rocket's, only a few blocks down Rush Street, was the pre-Labor Day destination for the Quest last Thursday. While offering up a plasticine slice of faux-Americana in the heart of the Gold Coast may be suspect, the quality of the food most certainly was not. Paper hats notwithstanding, Johnny Rocket's came away with quite a respectable score.

The Burger Breakdown:
3.00 = Tom Miller
3.50 = MK Brooks
3.50 = Ryan Sievert
3.90 = David Littlejohn
4.00 = "Cherry Coke" Ciannamea
4.80 = Jason Koerner

3.78 out of 5 burgers beats the longstanding record score set by P.J. Clarke's and Mr. Beef, though could not best the amazing Gibson's. Nicely done, Johnny.

Gibson's

2006-08-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the departure of Tricia and Hunter from both the Quest™ and our agency, we decided to head to the rather upscale and well-renowned Gibson's in the heart of the Gold Coast. According to their site, the original proprietors in the building ran Mr. Kelley's, where Frank Sinatra and Barbara Streisand once performed. Like other Chicago dining institutions, Gibson's has the standard wall of framed photos of famous patrons including Michael Jordan, John Malkovich (who has a very neat signature), Johnny Depp, James Woods, and lots of old mobster-looking guys. It is easily the classiest place we've eaten, and several of the group were so tempted by the high-end fare that they opted not to participate in the Quest™ today. Respect to those who, in the face of culinary adversity, stuck it out and ate the burger they came for.

The Burger Breakdown:
2.00 = Nathan Pitzel
3.00 = Jim Haas
4.50 = David Littlejohn
4.75 = Tom Miller
4.75 = Ryan Sievert
5.00 = Tricia Fleischer

Finally, after weeks of searching, a burger was found to replace P.J. Clarke's and Mr. Beef. Gibson's ended up with the high-score of 4 out of 5 burgers.

Billy Goat Tavern

2006-07-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

BurgerQuest™ could not possibly have been complete without a visit to the Billy Goat Tavern, the venerable Chicago institution made famous by John Belushi's shouts of "Cheezborger! Cheezborger! No fries, cheeps! No Pepsi, Coke!" on classic Saturday Night Live skits.

We walked south to the Original Billy Goat (there are 7 in Chicago and 1 in Washington, D.C.) below Michigan Avenue near the Tribune/Wrigley Building. You sort of have to experience the atmosphere inside and out firsthand to fully appreciate how inextricably Billy Goat and the city are interwoven (newspaper clippings about the Cubs' curse, Bill Murray, Saturday Night Live, and framed photos of famous athletes from Chicago teams past and current adorn every square inch of the walls).

When you walk down the steps into the restaurant, you are immediately assaulted to place your order, which cannot consist of anything other than a double or triple, even though the huge menu on the wall has at least 20 offerings. If you order a double, they ask if you want a triple. If you order a Diet Coke, they tell you that you need a triple. You really can only have chips, and they are Vitner's at that. Vegetable offerings consist of onions and pickles, and you have to administer them yourself. You can however get free refills of your Coke if you are kind enough to remove the lid first.

The Burger Breakdown:
1.50 = Jim Haas
2.25 = John Slabyk
3.00 = Tom Miller
3.50 = Ryan Sievert
3.50 = Hunter Futo
3.50 = David Littlejohn
3.80 = Daniel Holmes
4.00 = Dave Clark*
4.00 = Andrew Lincoln
4.25 = Joe Abella
4.50 = Billy Stubbs

And still, no matter where the Quest™ travels, the tie between P.J. Clarke's and Mr. Beef (3.5) cannot be bested, even by the vaunted Billy Goat. The final score: 3.43 out of 5 burgers.

* "Burger was tasty, but more important is the fact that Billy Goat is the best burger experience in all of Chicago."

O' Neil's

2006-07-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

Today the Quest™ took us to O' Neil's, a pub-style burger joint down the street with a neon sign in the window proclaiming "The Best Burger in Chicago," which we respectfully have to disagree with. Down a corridor, past the bar, and out the back door lie an array of picnic tables in a cozy courtyard area which feels a lot like someone's backyard (albeit one made of concrete). Service was great, cups of cheese were the crowd favorite, and Nathan ate an entire pound of french fries. Oh yeah, you get a fun-size pack of M&Ms with your burger....a classy touch.

The Burger Breakdown:
2.25 = Andrew Lincoln
2.25 = Nathan Pitzel
2.25 = Ryan Sievert
2.50 = Daniel Holmes
2.50 = Jason Koerner
2.80 = Joe Abella
3.30 = David Littlejohn

O' Neil's ended up with 2.55 out of 5 burgers.

Monk's Pub

2006-07-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

After a two-week holiday hiatus, BurgerQuest™ resumed to sample the fine fair at Monk's Pub on Clark and Wells. The old-school pub atmosphere provides a nice way to enjoy 1/2-pound square cuts of beef, and the burger selection is the most robust and varied out of any of the restaurants visited so far (14 different burgers, including jalepeno and olive). Be prepared for Olde Tyme signage, a decent beer selection, and an honest-to-goodness warthog on the wall.

The Burger Breakdown:
2.75 = Andrew Lincoln
2.75 = Alex Zamiar
2.75 = Jim Haas
3.00 = Ryan Sievert
3.50 = John Slabyk
4.00 = Mike Brooks
4.00 = Daniel Holmes
4.00 = Anthony Ciannamea

Monk's finished just below the gold standard set by Mr. Beef and P.J. Clarke's with a score of 3.3 burgers.

Mr. Beef

2006-06-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Today the group decided to scale down the ritz and head to an authentic Chicago Italian beef and burger joint, the esteemed Mr. Beef. We waited in line next to framed photos of regional and national celebrities such as Warner Saunders and Jay Leno autographed with sayings like "a good deal for fast-food consumers" (Robin Roberts) while Jim was stared down by the owner for getting lippy. At Mr. Beef, you retire to a back room to sit at a huge picnic table surrounded by Italian record covers, movie posters of the Rat Pack and a cardboard cutout of Jughead making an excited face with a lower half that is suspiciously hidden. Chocolate milkshakes to wash down the meal are highly recommended. Take the attitude in stride, and pray to God Almighty you don't leave an expensive digital camera behind. Easily the most interesting of the BurgerQuests™ thus far...

The Burger Breakdown:
2.50 = Jim Haas*
2.50 = Anthony Ciannamea
2.75 = Andrew Lincoln
3.00 = Nathan Pitzel
3.00 = Ryan Sievert
3.75 = David Littlejohn
4.00 = Tom Miller
4.00 = Mike Brooks
4.75 = Dave Clark
4.80 = Jason Koerner

Mr. Beef scored a 3.5 out of 5 burgers, creating a tie for the lead with P.J. Clarke's.

Boston Blackie's

2006-06-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

One week ago, nine intrepid souls set out to sample Boston Blackie's infamous burger. The lunch rush effectively shut down our attempt to seat such a large group, and a vow was made to return. Today a newer, larger crew got to make good on that vow.

Seating twelve people would seem to be more difficult than seating nine, yet miraculously, Blackie's asked for "one minute" to accomodate our request. After one minute, four of us were taken to the back of the restaurant while the others were seated at a large table in the front. Seeing that our group was split up, the hostess came to grab the rogue quartet and seat us next to the large table, making for a proper BurgerQuest™ gathering. Kudos to Blackie's for such attention to service.

The Burger Breakdown:
2.00 = Daniel Holmes
2.00 = Anthony Ciannamea
2.50 = Tom Miller
2.50 = David Littlejohn
2.50 = Billy Stubbs
2.50 = Bill Halloran
2.50 = Cory Cammer
3.00 = Jim Haas
3.50 = Mike Brooks
3.50 = Ryan Sievert
3.50 = Andrew Lincoln
3.50 = Dave Clark

Unfortunately, the service wasn't enough to propel the vaunted Blackie's past an average of 2.75 out of 5 burgers.

P.J. Clarke's

2006-06-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

The stage was set, the posse assembled, the location chosen. Blackie's was to be the inaugural burger. Tragically, a 15-minute wait stood between the group and the meal, and plans were reluctantly changed. Blackie's will eventually feel our collective wrath. You better sleep with one eye open Blackie, because we are gonna f*ck your burger up.

P.J. Clarke's, a New York staple, was plan B, so onward we charged. Big ups to Brian Nash for grabbing the bill. 9 of us went, devoured, and voted for a respectable average score of 3.5 burgers out of 5.

The Burger Breakdown:
3.00 = Andrew Lincoln
3.00 = Billy Stubbs
3.50 = Mike Brooks
3.50 = Jason Koerner
3.50 = Ryan Sievert
3.50 = Brian Nash
4.00 = Daniel Holmes
4.00 = Tom Miller
4.00 = Anthony Ciannamea

A motley crew, if there ever was one: